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The Bowdoin Years

by Sammie Francis

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1.
Titles 01:53
I’m not sure what’s next I’m not quite sure what’s left If you told me what to do I might follow you But a year is just too long To feel absent from your song You took the song of my heart You broke it, now you’re gone I’m hurting wasting My thoughts on you I try to move forward But it’s so hard to do The memories are frozen Like a picture frame And I know their titles I know all their names But I can’t know These things…anymore
2.
On Cue 03:22
I stood in the shower For almost an hour I studied the drops On my back As they fell far down my legs Slower and slower I couldn’t tell if my mind Or the water was lower So I sank to all the sad things And I wished for all the glad things But I only found walls that were black So I searched and I searched I worked and I worked But I knew that I was empty ‘Cause you sucked all the life out And you rained all the sun out You left me feeling things That were darker than the night And you brought all the doubt in And you made me feel frightened ‘Cause you purposely left me Out of your sight The sight that you now see Is open for view I’m only one person But I thought my dreams should count too Yet, how could you know? ‘Cause you left right on cue Well, I’ve learned my lesson When you put all your best in Hey, it’s like you said, “Plans rarely work out” And I know there was distance And trouble and disagreement But was that really what this Whole thing was about ‘Cause you sucked all the life out And you rained all the sun out You left me feeling things That were darker than the night And you brought all the doubt in And you made me feel frightened ‘Cause you purposely left me Out of your sight The sight that you now see Is open for view I’m only one person But I thought my dreams should count too Yet, how could you know? ‘Cause you left right on cue So tell me what am I supposed to do I told you I stood in the shower For almost an hour I studied the drops On my back
3.
Now I was not expecting love With this next guy I see Still, it would be nice if someday he said to me: “You are my number one, desert-island, Girl I’ve always wanted And you fit perfectly with me You fit perfectly with me.” But that is just a line you’d say That is just a line you’d say I’m sorry ‘cause usually that’d work fine But I’ve given up on love today I’ve given up on love today Now I was not expecting For this to ever end But life, it changes faster than our minds I stay in bed and read all day My inspiration’s gone It’s evaporated from my soul Happiness is a hopeless goal But I hope that that don’t last long I hope that that don’t last long ‘Cause this is just a lonely feeling This is just a lonely feeling Usually I’d ache to hear To what you had to say But I’ve given up on love today I’ve given up on love today Maybe if you came back tomorrow I’d be released from all my sorrow Maybe if we got out of this place I would fall in love with your beautiful face But tomorrow’s not today Tomorrow’s not today Plus, this is just a lonely feeling This is just a lonely feeling Usually I’d ache to hear To what you had to say But I’ve given up on love today I’ve given up on love today
4.
Si Jolie 02:49
I can’t eat my lunch So please tell me what to do I could never love another man Now that I’ve met you I can’t not be nervous Even after all these months Because you are too beautiful Je ne peux pas déjeuner Je ne veux pas te déranger Mais, je suis si occupée En meme temps, déplacée Sans toi avec moi Tu est Si jolie I know you know That I love you But in case it takes French To make it true Je t’aime beaucoup
5.
I love New York But only when it rains Because it’s then You can feel everybody’s pain For the first time The real time My sister’s there So it feels like home to her Whenever I am there It’s for sure I don’t belong [‘Cause I like when things Are plain and simple And chaotic is still Somehow organized Slowing down will never, ever Be normal for me But I won’t let my love Pass me by Things don’t and they won’t Distribute that way] We’re living in Just a program tonight Looks like I’ll have to settle For what will make things right ‘Cause the distributive property It really, really bothers me Why do you got to give everything To separate things? It’s a rule that I’m about to change Call me insane But I loved him And I’m only giving Me to one
6.
The Cool Song I’ve spent hours here But I’m not alone A dashboard radio Is singing me songs Of nights in Philadelphia Mornings to come A train is waiting To carry me down Asleep on the window again You felt just like home You know that beauty, It washes away And the purity of childhood It never remains I want to be inspired By things I don’t know And gain wisdom As a learn what it’s like Growing old I’ve spent seconds here Never enough with you Your smile will always Brighten my world A dashboard radio Is singing me songs Of nights in Boston And mornings to come You know that beauty, It washes away And the purity of childhood It never remains I want to be inspired By things I don’t know And gain wisdom As a learn what it’s like Growing old So I’ll do a search, not on a screen But inside my soul And I won’t tell you to leave Until someone tells me I have to I have to leave I’ll be with you Until someone tells me I have to leave
7.
Nope 02:23
I didn’t know When I left home What I was getting myself into So I packed one bag And I took a plane Hoping when I landed My old life wouldn’t be the same I walked those Glasgow streets All by myself I decorated my closet And I put up pictures on the shelf Did you hear me? I decorated my closet And I put up pictures on the shelf But nothing from my old life Would ever be the same Did you really expect it to? I took that Clockwork Orange To the School of Art Where I dabbled in photography Hey, well it’s a start I wrote a lot of letters Sent them across the pond But before you knew it I met a Scottish boy Whom I’ve grown very fond…of So then I walked those streets With a hand in mine Drank lots and lots And lots of pints But don’t worry I was fine Did you hear me? I met a Handsome Scottish Medical Student Who has the same name as me— But don’t worry I’ll be fine Believe me, I never expected this But I’m also not complaining In fact, with you I don’t think I’ll ever complain again Nope
8.
Metaphors 04:05
I think I was thirsty I know that you were sweaty The bartender was getting me water I wasn’t drinking liquor You thought that I was sick or Maybe just a little unique I said “I pass out easily!” You said that you’d take care of me The med student asked me to dance I wasn’t from your country I think that made you like me Hey, it made me like you I thought that you’d forget me But then you up and ‘membered me Got a text on the Hogwarts Express I thought that you were beautiful I knew that it was meaningful My friends thought that I was insane We met up for a pint and talked We took a walk around the block I couldn’t understand you at first But you said let’s play I said okay You kissed me And then I kissed you too. But then I had to come home And then six months rolled And then 10 days Before you were supposed to Come home to me You said, “No” You said no So now you won’t talk to me You refuse to even think of me It’s like there’s an ocean between us I’m not talking metaphors There’s actually an ocean floor Separating me from you You sent my notes back to me You wrapped them up carelessly It was a nice touch—the string My work was busting open I’m not sure that I can cope with Your quiddity So now I’m all alone And unsure what to call home And now my head just replays Those 10 days Before you were supposed to Come home to me When you said, “No” You’re still saying no to me So what are you gonna do If I come running back to you? If I turned up at your front door Would you let me in anymore? Could we pick up and talk And feel the same I’d bet you hadn’t mentioned my name Except we lucked out And had the same You know we played A pretty great game So imagine what it feels like To see the pieces on the floor And the only question I have anymore is: Why’d you have to be Such an asshole? Now that it’s over? It’s over I’m serious Why? I’m tired of this battered heart I’m tired of this battered heart I’m tried of being nice You bastard
9.
I’ve stared into this closet With too many clothes of mine For days and months now Hoping everything was fine But it’s blank and so I blink But it’s only black and blurry I’m trying to figure out my life In too much of a hurry So even though this year Is going down like ice cream I’ve got to make it last I can’t even remember The last time I was happy Or how I smiled As he walked past Oh, he walks right past me now And I don’t know how Much longer I can keep On waiting around For something good It’s a long way down If you don’t stop to look around So please wait for me ‘cause this has got to be over soon I need to clear my head Before something else is ruined So even though this year Is going down like ice cream I’ve got to make it last. I can’t even remember The last time I was happy Or how I smiled As he walked past Oh, he walks right past me now And I don’t know how Much longer I can keep On waiting around For something good It’s a long way down If you don’t stop to look around
10.
So I’m home alone Again tonight It wouldn’t make much Of a difference to me If it wasn’t New Years Eve He was lying And I was crying Dying, is being alone this night ‘Cause it’s all frozen in But it’s warm outside I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been out That’s what they’re all saying So I’ll just turn it off And I’ll shut down too So I won’t allow myself To feel anything I read through the older notes He wrote me They don’t come as often Anymore But I still love him More and more and more Tell me how does that work out And damn, Adam You never sounded so good It’s been a long winter But things are only getting better For me ‘Cause it’s all frozen in But it’s warm outside I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been out That’s what they’re all saying So I’ll just turn it off And I’ll shut down too So I won’t allow myself To feel anything But it’s impossible Not to feel anything And it’s just not right To make me feel this way It’s so hard right now It’s so hard right now Especially if you’re me
11.
You were there In your recliner chair For twenty-one years of my life Telling me stories About the people that you’d seen In your own life It’s my turn to tell your story now You were my Pepérè In French, that’s just what you say Instead of grandfather Driving home and seeing you Was my favorite thing to do You taught me About humanity Showed me right from wrong On November the 25th I have you one last kiss And then you left our sight Holding your hand, you found light I know she was waiting for you… Now I’m almost twenty-two Feeling lonesome without you Struggling to know What should come next You’d tell me God would help If I only sought him out But the secret is, what I seek is you I miss you Please help me through this So this is your lullaby I think it’s gonna make me cry It’s hard to honor you perfectly Because you were such a good man Let me thank you for my family I know I’m lucky But we were lucky Just to know you Being your granddaughter Made me luckier And when I pray It’s sort of all okay Because my heart tells me That I’ll see you someday Someday, someday… Just playing cards maybe Or laughing, okay? For now I’ll take a little comfort I’ll take a little comfort Knowing that you’re safe

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released January 1, 2010

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Sammie Francis Portland, Maine

Sammie Francis grew up in Maine and has been writing and playing music locally for over 10 years. She is primarily a high school English teacher, but otherwise enjoys writing music and listening to Laura Marling. Her latest album, 'The Kite and the Shore', was released in September of 2013. ... more

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